Friendships...

I should note – I’m premenstrual so very out of kilter!

But, I have to say, I’m feeling really bogged down with life at the moment. Nothing major, just a combo of being tired from all the driving back and forth to our old town for kindy/dancing etc, frustrated at the simple things that need to be pointed out to the girls’ Dad, and dealing with all the other stuff that goes on in general day to day life.

I’m also not sure if I made the right decision about my daughters’ privacy and the impact it may have on a friendship.

Its one of those friendships where we have been friends since high school, and I think we are still friends, just because we always have been and it’s a habit.

I don’t really feel like I get anything positive from the relationship very often – we are two very different people now and our lives are very, very different.

It’s easy to stay being friends and let the pictures stay on the internet, but it doesn’t feel right. And if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years, it’s that doing the right thing is more important than doing the easy thing.

I just wish that I didn’t feel like I was the only one doing the right thing – I seem to be ending so many of my relationships and starting to wonder what on earth I’m doing wrong. I don’t intend for this to happen, but as soon as I air my grievances, it seems that the only way forward for some/most people is to not continue these relationships.

Maybe It’s just because I’ve become so used to just dealing with everything life has been throwing at me with my children, that I forget that not everyone can. Maybe people just don’t know that when they are told my daughter is about to undergo surgery to have a feeding tube inserted, or about to undergo Autism Screening that all they have to do is say, I’m thinking of you, or let me know how it all goes.

Instead, I’m met with silence and avoidance, and eventually, shut out completely.

I don’t believe I should only share the positive aspects of my life with others to keep them happy – my life has lots of ups and downs and I always include the ups in any updates I give, as well as the downs. Surely there are downs in everyone else’s life too?

Is this because people don’t want to see the “real” world – the one where people actually have to deal with these sorts of things – not the sugar coated version? Have I somehow made it seem like there is always something not so great going on in my life and they are sick of it? Is it just ignorance that they don’t know enough about what is happening to know that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing?

Hmmm I think a lot of my flat feeling at the moment (besides being premenstrual LOL) is because I’m realising just how few people I have in my life that I can actually count on through thick and thin. There’s a lot of “fair-weather” folk, but not many others.

But, that leads to a positive – as everything on my journey through life seems to! By reducing the amount of unsupportive people in my life, there is plenty of room left for those who I know can actually be a more positive influence in my life, and for new friendships to develop.

These things are hard work and I think its finally hitting me that I need to really put the effort into those friendships that are positive, and not spend so much time and energy dealing with the not-so good ones.

I'm sure the little list of friends on my fridge that I have been neglecting would appreciate it too...